Misogyny Crisis — Wait, what?

Since I was in junior high school, I always have few of female friends and so many of male (best) friends. The reason?

Girls are so much drama!

Is there anyone think the same with me?

I believe there is some female who has same thoughts as me.

Recently, I just read a very interesting article posted by Everyday Feminism. For those who did not know about this website, please go check their website here. Just like the name, it talks all about feminism, women empowerment and other queer-talks!

So, they published an article which very enlightened me about what is it called misogyny and internalised misogyny. Okay, first I would like to explain what is misogyny. According to the Urban Dictionary, misogyny is:

(1)…to hate women, think less of them or show distrust, solely based on their gender.
(2) A word modern feminists have hijacked so they can ignore any form of evidence, facts or logic that doesn’t push their misogynistic, misandry agenda.

In short word, it means a prejudice against women. The act of comparing a girl with other girls and/or boys also one of the examples.

Wait, what?

Yes, I had a (big) mistake when I said being a friend with ‘girls are so much drama’ because it is one of the common phrases which I directly involved in promoting and demonstrating the term of internalised misogyny. Why?

“When it comes to women who believe they are inferior to men, that’s we called internalised misogyny

It makes me realised that every word we’ve said and about to say, we have to think it carefully first, but it should not be a barrier for us to express our opinion and expression. This ‘new term’ make me realised that internalised misogyny could be and often happened in our daily lives and most of the times we did not understand whether the words that we used is just a mere jokes or truly has the intention to mock that person.

That is why it is important to educate people in general, reading and trying to understand more about problematic things in our daily lives, as well as to heal from this kind of mental ‘illness’.

These are what I read about “4 Common Phrases that Demonstrate Internalised Misogyny” from the articles:

  1. “I am not like other girls” — Surprisingly, this simple phrase preserves the idea which makes the gender stereotypes are true.
  2. “I would rather hang out with boys than girls, girls are so much drama!” — It feels like slapping me hundred times on my face! It has said that phrase reflects a harmful stereotype.
  3. “Unlike other women, I have morals” — Calling all the women who always think they are more pure, faithful, virgin than any other women. Don’t ever judge women by the way she wants to do anything with their body and mind, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your rights.
  4. “Real women …” — Often, the phrase is used to praise women who behave as they’re traditionally expected to behave. It’s used to reinforce the idea that women must be nurturing, well-dressed, and in a monogamous relationship with a man.
Be happy to be like other girls! They are awesome!...loving the red noses! XD
Source: Pinterest

See? Those words are the simple phrases that some of us have said in the past or even until today. We often criticising women who having sex to fulfil their sexual needs (outside marriage) and accused them that they’re immoral simply because of their choices. So for me, it is true rather than criticising women for having sex, we should criticise society for shaming people based on their sexual behaviour.

Read more this article here.

Xoxo – Astrid

What You Really Need to Know About Feminism

It’s very inspiring every time I read some articles or books which talking about feminism, where most of the times people always seems pessimistic when they’re talking about feminism itself. It’s always full of debates when it comes to people who admit themselves as a feminist. Recently, I have read a simple, understandable and first-thing-first you really need to know about feminism when I was reading an article wrote in Magdalene. Where they are trying to explore the ten biggest misconceptions about feminism which you should know.

Here they are:

1. Feminists hate men: This one is the oldest and most tiresome fallacy on feminism. Feminism is a movement and ideology that champions equality for women in political, economic, cultural, personal and social spheres. It has never been an ideology of hate.

2. To achieve equality, feminism must emasculate men: Achieving gender equality does require deconstructing masculinity, but it is not the same as emasculating the male sex. In its hundreds of years of history (even before the word “feminism” was coined) the movement has cultivated a tradition of deep contemplation and rethinking of the social construct of genders as well as gender dynamics. It is supposed to actually improve gender relations, not strengthen one sex at the expense of the other.

3. Feminism only helps women: Feminism doesn’t just liberate women; it also liberates men by breaking down the standards put in place for women and men by the society. Feminism is about changing self-limiting gender roles, sexual norms and sexist practices. Men have the freedom to explore life beyond the rigid boundaries of traditional masculinity. Also feminism believes in equal access to education, which probably enabled your mom to get her university degree and get a job way back then, giving you and your brothers better opportunities in life. With education, women tend to make better life choices, resulting in healthier and more optimally functioning families and communities.

María María Acha-Kutscher illustrates women exercising their voices in political struggles. She says her work focuses on the woman, on “her story, the...:

4. Only women can be feminists: Feminists are committed to addressing daily problems like domestic violence, rape and sexual assaults, unequal pay, sexual objectification, etc. The best way to address these problems is to involve men, raising male employees’ awareness of gender sensitivity, teaching young boys to respect girls, getting fathers to share the housework loads and be more involved in raising their kids, and so many other ways.

5. To be a feminist you must be an atheist: While it’s true that some religions have highly patriarchal perspectives and perpetuate age-old discriminative practices against women, it doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvements. There have been many who bring women-friendly interpretations into religious teachings.

In Indonesia, we have this feminist ulema and this Muslim scholar and a few others. You don’t have to ditch your religion to believe that women are entitled to the same rights as men.

6. Feminists don’t believe in marriage: How silly. A lot of feminists are happily married. As long as a marriage provides personal, legal and social values to the two people involved, there’s no reason to reject the institution of marriage. What feminists are against is when the society values marriage as a “better place” for women, socially punishing those who are not married or divorced, and when a marriage is treated as a way to control women. Also, true feminists believe legal marriage should be allowed for all sexual preferences and gender expressions (yes, we believe in same-sex marriage!).

7. True feminists don’t wear bras and makeup: Rubbish! Feminism is about giving women choices – not limiting them – of self-expression. Can’t go out without your high heels? By all means, wear them. Fancy that little black dress? Why not. But expressing yourself in a traditional expression of femininity is a choice, not an obligation, and it should not define you as a person.  Personally, I like looking good, but I hate to waste too much time and energy on doing it, so I hardly wear make-up, save maybe brow powder and lip-gloss.

8. Feminism is a western concept: To be honest, this has been one of the main self-criticism within the feminist movement in the past: that feminism, the movement and ideology, is Eurocentric and dictated by white middle-class women. It was also criticised for its tendency to overlook class, caste, religion, ethnic bias and racial discrimination that complicate the idea of gender.  However feminism has long existed in non-western part of the world, from South America, Asia to Africa, though with slightly adjusted focuses according to the local contexts.

9. Feminism hasn’t changed for ages: Wrong! The first wave of feminism in the 19th hundred and early 20th centuries focused on civil and political equality, mainly women’s rights to vote. The second wave, which began in the 1960s all through the 1980s, widened the goals to include issues of sexuality, family, the workplace, reproductive rights and other legal inequalities. The third-wave feminists broadened the debates to focus on ideas like queer theory, abolishing gender role expectation and stereotypes. The current awareness in feminism – what is arguably sometimes called the fourth-wave feminism – embraces the idea of “intersectionality”, the multiple, interlocking oppressions of race, sex, sexuality and class. It is a movement and awareness that advocate people to make space for those who are marginalised politically, economically and socially because of their gender, sexual preferences, race and class.

10. There’s no need for feminism now because women are equal to men already: This cannot be more wrong.  Let’s revisit the women’s lib’s demands in the 1970s: The first four of them are equal pay, equal opportunity to education and work, a guarantee of their reproductive rights, and an end to violence or sexual coercion regardless of marital status.

Now let’s look at the facts today: According to a report by the UN’s International Labour Organization, women across the world earn only 77 percent of the amount paid to men, a figure that has improved only three percentage points in the past 20 years.  On top of that, many jobs are still not friendly to mothers, and top leadership posts in companies and governments are still overwhelmingly held by men. Secondly, in many developing countries including Indonesia, the number of girls dropping out of school is higher than boys because they are seen by parents as not worth the economic investment. Third, though contraceptives are widely available now, many countries (Indonesia including) still allow child marriage, which perpetuates domestic violence and poverty. Fourth, rape culture is actually thriving both in developed and developing countries alike. In countries like Indonesia, the law and law enforcers on sex violence cases are hardly on women’s side.

In connection to this, I will also show you the remake of Spice Girls video clip which promotes about the gender equality in SDGs as one of UN campaign specifically for women:

#WhatIreallyreallywant

Read more the original article here.

50 Questions To Ask A Girl If You Want To Know Who She Really Is – Challenge is accepted!

I saw all of this questions in Thought Catalog, then I feel challenged by this idea! So here are my answers..

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? Broken-hearted moments

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak? that kind feeling to be rejected by someone

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself? Geneva

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? Somewhere in Europe

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? My Mom’s prayer

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? My stubborn character

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first? Spend my time with my family and Igor ❤

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in? This past few years

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why? My Mom. Simply because she is also my best friend

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best? Maybe my Mom and couple of my best friends

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? We are very rare to meet each other, but I know they will always be there for me.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? Novelist, a writer. *) I wish! Lol

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be? SAILOR MARS IN SAILOR MOON ANIME haha

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments? It depends on the situation. If its too much and seems exaggerated so I guess I will hate it haha

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? Physical : my smile. Non physical : cheerful

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself? See No. 15

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself? See No. 15

18. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope. But I prefer, like at first sight rather than love 😛

19. Do you believe in soul mates? Yes, I do.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes? If they talking about positive things, then I often believe it haha

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times? I’ve been and I feeling it now. I think it’s only 3 times out of 7.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone? The way he respect people around him and willing to do tiny things just to make me always happy and worth to be loved.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable? Vulnerability is something or someone who got threat by anything, who makes us feel intimidated. The ability who will make feel intimidate of what I have.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to? How many times do you masturbate each day? Hahaha.

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do? I think I don’t want to be a man haha

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex? The excitement feeling that we shared together .

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about? deepen my knowledge and understanding international human rights law

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do? Diving with shark and giant whales

29. Why haven’t you done it yet? I need to be braver enough to do that haha

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be? blog traveler

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do? to sleep

32. What was the last thing that made you cry? while I watched ‘Me Before You’ or ‘Bridget Jones Baby’

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Just couple mins ago, when I had chat with Igor ❤

34. What is your favorite memory? To lived in Geneva and traveled in Europe countries

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you? Oh I always embarrassed myself, so I guess it will be very much.

36. What is your biggest fear? I fear to loss people that I love the most

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one? Yes. To be in relationship with wrong and an asshole guy.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? Yes I did. When I got my drive license by paying the police institution *) OOPPS!

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? Hmmm… maybe when I was in Vatican, I was really wants to go to the Dome of St. Peter Basilica just right 4 days after my surgery! Where the doctor said, I shouldn’t be too tired, but in fact I was hike around 500 more stairs to go to the dome xp

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger? Sure, why not?

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)? Of course I will.

42. What’s your favorite joke? Any kind of stupid jokes that I always have every time with Igor haha

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person? cat person

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? bird, because I want to see the world through my eyes 

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy? any kind of book, film about sexual education 😛

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child? very spoiled children

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be? hmmm… it’s difficult question. I really want to go back when I was 5 years old but then I like myself now.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does? OH, MY LUCKY LIFE!

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people? My easy-going character 😛

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing? If one day my Mom will no longer with me and my family, I guess…

10 Things I Learned While Everyone Else Was Getting Married

1. Your ‘type’ changes drastically as time goes by. 
Especially in your mid to late twenties. You start looking for deeper and more solid qualities like responsibility, honesty and integrity instead of someone you can just have fun with. You begin to appreciate a partner you can talk about meaningful things, about your problems, about your family and about your work because as you grow up, the things that matter to you change drastically too.

2. Finding the right career is more important than getting married.
Finding the right career for you is the most rewarding gift you can give yourself. It will give you something to look forward to and will always motivate you to grow and learn new things. It will make you a better person and a happier person and you will not have to depend on love to make you happy.

3. Modern dating sucks but it really teaches you a lot.
Modern dating sucks but with every dating disaster that happens to you, you learn one more thing about yourself and about the person you are looking for. You also learn how to love yourself and you learn that sometimes you have to choose being alone instead of being with someone who is not treating you right or someone who doesn’t want to define the relationship.

4. Invest in a few good friends.
Your friends will be your support system forever. The better friends you have, the easier your life will be. Good friends will get you through almost anything in life. Pick them wisely and you will always find someone to lean on when life gets rough. They will be your main backbone.

5. Don’t settle.
Don’t date someone just because you’ve been single for so long or because all your friends are married. Don’t stay in a relationship that is not good for you because it’s comfortable and don’t hold on to someone who doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.

6. You have to know who you are before getting married.
Getting married when you’re in an unsteady place in your life makes you count on the relationship as the main source of your happiness and makes you follow your partner’s footsteps without stopping to ask yourself if this is what you really want.

7. Kids are not the answer.
Having kids does not mean you secured a spot in marriage paradise, if anything, it’s the ultimate test to determine how strong the marriage is. People who have kids when they’re not ready are really just setting their marriage up for disaster.

8. You will not ‘lose’ your married friends.
I think this is the biggest misconception – that you will not be talking to your friends who got married. Once they get past the honeymoon phase, everything will be back to normal and they will still be a phone call away.

9. You can make things happen alone.
You can get your dream job or buy that house or travel to this country without anyone’s help or approval. When you are growing up without being committed to someone, you truly have the world in your hands and you can just do whatever you want and you can become whoever you want. Being independent is a wonderful thing that will make you rich in so many ways. In this day and age, being single is actually a privilege — depending on the way you look at it.

10. Marriage is also not the answer.
I mentioned earlier that kids are not the answer but marriage is not the answer either. If you didn’t learn to find your happiness alone, you won’t find it in your marriage, if you didn’t learn to love yourself when you’re single, you won’t love yourself when you’re married, if you didn’t find yourself before marriage, you won’t find yourself after marriage.

People are told that marriage is what makes them complete but the truth is nothing can complete someone but themselves, their experiences, their passions, their hearts, their intelligence and their strength.

Source: Thought Catalog

#girlhacks 1: What to do during your period?

Period. One word, who has thousands feeling!

Maybe I am 1 out of millions of women who always feel cramps, stomach ache, weary and moody every time I have my period. Of course it’s normal for women, it’s just the effect of the period sometimes it’s different with other women.

Having regular menstrual cycles is a sign that important parts of our body are working normally. The menstrual cycle provides important body chemicals, called hormones, to keep you healthy.

What happens during the menstrual cycle?

In the first half of the cycle, levels of estrogen (the “female hormone”) start to rise. Estrogen plays an important role in keeping you healthy, especially by helping you to build strong bones and to help keep them strong as you get older. Estrogen also makes the lining of the uterus (womb) grow and thicken. This lining of the womb is a place that will nourish the embryo if a pregnancy occurs. At the same time, the lining of the womb is growing, an egg, or ovum, in one of the ovaries, starts to mature. At about day 14 of an average 28-day cycle, the egg leaves the ovary. This is called ovulation.

After the egg has left the ovary, it travels through the fallopian tube to the uterus. Hormone levels rise and help prepare the uterine lining for pregnancy. A woman is most likely to get pregnant during the 3 days before or on the day of ovulation. Keep in mind, women with cycles that are shorter or longer than average may ovulate before or after day 14.

What should we eat to reduce the pain? 

What kind of sport that we can do?

Go for a light jog, or at least take a good walk. Even your uterus feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of your body is go running. But in fact, when you exercise, your body releases endorphin, a hormone that makes you feel good. That endorphin can counteract the bad hormones that give you cramps (prostaglandins). To make running a bit easier so you’re not squatting on the sidewalk every half mile (something I have 100 percent done), try taking a single painkiller about half an hour before your run. (The Cosmopolitan)

Or sometimes I also doing yoga, it’s really good to make our body feel relax 😉

Change the pad or tampon often!

Usually, during 1-3 days of my period I change my pad quite often, maybe around 5 times per day, so it’s like every 4-5 hours. It will make you feel clean and prevent very bad bacteria during the period.

Learn how to write an Op-ed piece

Recently, I am running a project which focusing on the abolition of death penalty in ASEAN region together with my another colleague. Since I am working in this kind of project, I have learned a lot about the campaign mechanisms, which for me it is a new experience and quite challenging. Moreover, we have a quite big team which coming from another part of this world. We have a project team, communication strategists, substance team, film production, public relation and event management team.

For me, the “machine” of this campaign project are the communication and the substance team. And me, I am working in between or even often with the two of them. It’s precious for me to learn how the communication strategist working on to run the campaign, moreover when I have to learn with the communication experts.

There is a new thing I feel the interest to learn more which is called an Op-eds. What is an Op-eds? Op-eds are articles which appear opposite of the editorial page of local, state, and national newspapers. They are written by local citizens, organisation leaders, experts, or others who are knowledgeable about an issue. By submitting an op-ed you can call attention to your issue.

I often wondering what is different between op-ed with another article in the newspaper. So I was Googling to find out step by step how to write an Op-Ed from one of the websites. Here is how you can write your own op-ed:

  1. Message
    Identify your reasons for writing an Op-Ed. Do you need to raise voter support for legislation? Are you trying to increase awareness of an issue? Understanding the reasons for writing the Op-Ed will help you hone the message and main points you should stress in the text.
  2. Audience
    Target your audience. Knowing your audience (policy makers, parents, youth, etc.) will help you decide which outlet to target.
  3. Outlet Rules
    Know where you plan to submit your Op-Ed and the requirements of the outlet. In most cases, the outlet will have a limit on word count usually between 500 and 800 words. Time the submission of your Op-Ed to coordinate with events or dates that stress your message.
  4. The Ask
    Now consider the objective of your Op-Ed. Your piece should provoke discussion, controversy, and response. What do you want your target audience to do?
  5. Get it Together
    Now with your objectives, target audience and purpose in mind, determine what background information is essential for the readers to understand if they are going to follow your argument. Develop a brief paragraph or two which explains this necessary background information.
  6. Aim!
    Focus on one issue in your Op-Ed and one clear action. Support your conclusion with three key points. Devote one paragraph to each supporting point. This paragraph breakdown will help maintain your focus and aid in the effective organisation of the Op-Ed as a unified piece.
  7. Focus
    Identify and discuss the opposing side to your argument. Counter the opposing arguments with facts and point out other weaknesses in the opposing message. Explain why your position is stronger.
  8. Fire!
    Your opening line should not make your reader turn the page. Importance should be placed on drawing the reader into the article and making the reader review the entire article. The article should end with a bang, not a yawn. Drive the point home and sum up the argument.
  9. Backup Support
    Submit your Op-Ed with a letter that provides your contact information and reasons why your article is timely and relevant to readers. Collaborating with a relevant public figure, policymaker, executive director, or advocate may maximise its impact on the audience. You might consider working with a relevant figure.
  10. Keep Pushing
    Thank the outlet if your piece is run. If your piece is not run, do not give up. Try different angles, different outlets, and different time periods to run your Op-Ed. Keep your information updated with changing events and sentiment.

So those things that we need to keep in mind when we about to write an op-ed to raising an important issue. In this death penalty campaign, we already published several op-eds by using prominent and key actors which always speaking loud and put a big concern on the death penalty in ASEAN countries. Luckily, I knew and met them already! And I am very proud of these people!

I hope someday I could make to write my own op-ed and publish it in the prominent newspaper! Wish me luck!

Source: Advocates for Youth